Heaven

Me: So I was thinking...

Jesus: I'm already not liking how this is starting

Me: I think i was having one of those not so great days

Jesus: Are you gonna start whining? You know I ain't got time for that shit

Me: no but... Hey why you gotta be all crass n shit. I'm like... sensative

Jesus: Did you just pull a stinky lump of shit out your ass n serve it like its fried chicken? The Colonel aint playin that

Me: Wow Fried Chicken sounds amazing!

Jesus: Uh uh. Dont try to avoid this topic... Dont tell me you're mr sensative when you got all these walls up. And if I were to come at you all sweet and sappy like that 2 footsteps in the sand suddenly turning into 1 set of steps crap, that other christians eat up, you would just barf ... immediately. You hate that sappy shit

Me: Damn... this is why you're Jesus. Perfect, you know how to come at me perfectly

Jesus: Now finish your story

Me: OK so I think I might actually have been thinking about food and knowing I need to work out and lose weight, or maybe I was thinking about wanting a boyfriend but always seem to only fall for straight guys

Jesus: thats def possible, that last one is always on your mind.

Me: So I was just kinda wandering in thought and thinking about how great it would be if things were perfect, like eat what i want with no consequences, not have to work, money not ever being an issue/problem. And my mind naturally started wandering towards hot ass boys

Jesus: Naturally... what everyone wants... of course

Me: Right! So I started thinking about heaven. And this got me thinking what heaven would be like, cuz the perfect heaven would have half or fully naked boys everywhere and they would all be kinda dorky and in love with me .... well not all of them, and jizz wouldnt be sticky, and there would be no children, and I could pluck fried chicken from trees without getting fat or getting my fingers dirty n greasy... BUT somehow still be able to lick my fingers and get flavor from holding the chicken

Jesus: That last part does sound amazing!

Me: Right!!! dont it? but then it got me thinking ... wait ... this wouldnt be heaven for everyone so what is the deal? Well maybe everyone can agree on the fried chicken... and the people that aint down with the chicken probably belong in hell. ... Heaven?

Jesus: What were you just telling me earlier?

Nudge

Me: So I was kinda bummed cuz 2 new positions opened up in QA. I really wanted Ijeoma to join us but she didnt bother applying

Jesus: Ahhhh are you lonely?

Me: Ya actually I am really lonely. Can't you just drop some hotness on my lap so I can have my boyfriend and move one?

Jesus: Your fragile little soul can't handle the heat

Me: Anyways, while I didnt get Ijeoma to come over, Holly is really seat a great. The really exciting thing is, that we were just chatting naturally about everything as we worked. We dont have the exact same goals but we already agreed to push each other to write every day. I'm really happy and excited about this.

Jesus: It's nice to have little outside forces nudge you along

Me: Can ya do a little better at that? .. like make the next little nudge not so little? and more of like a pump and grind? A really good hard...

....

Me: Hello? ... Hello?

I already know

Me: I just realised that EVERY day this week since my last blog on here I have woken up around the same time, well before my alarm clark was set to go off

Jesus: I know

Me: Just the week before the alarm was barely able to get me up

Jesus: I know

Me: But I didnt do anything productive with this time.

Jesus: Yup

Me: You dont say much do you?

Jesus: Is there anything for me to say that you dont arleady...

Me: I know ...

Clean out

Me: So its the weekend and I woke up before Noon... AND cleaned my bathroom!

Jesus: WOW! I should grant you immediate access to heaven for that

Me: Yeah somehow I've convinced myself that this is a major accomplishment worthy of praise...

Jesus: I'm hiding away my nail marks on my hands because they are sooooo unworthy next to your greatness, hold on while I open the pearly gates for you right now and bestow VIP access to heaven

Me: I even cleaned house on my computer... but I'm not done yet. So that deserves some angel wings too..

Jesus: OK I'll toss you your fairy wings, you deserve that.

Me: Thanks for that... I finally moved my alarm to the other side of the room so I cant automatically snooze it. I seriously do need help with consistantly waking up earlier and getting more accomplished in the day... Like maybe you can send down a small harmless but annoying bolt of lighting at about 9:45 every morning?

Jesus: Ya sure, lets just clean ourselves of self motivation as well...

Me: Hey Im trying here. School starts in a little over a week. I havent used the break in school to study Italian or write. Im trying to get myself on a daily schedule... I do need help. For some reason I've just been stuck in the sloth like routine of nothingness.

Jesus: Well it's quite appropriate that the day the were able to get your fatass out of bed earlier you also wiped things clean, and fresh