Gay, JesusJunkie, GodSquad, Homeymidwest transplant, or Starbucks?

Me: So I never really fall for gay boys

Jesus: Ya, you're kinda masochistic like that.

Me: Well homos are just soo ...

Jesus: Gay?

Me: Ya, you took the word right outta my mouth

Jesus: Ya that one was really hard. It took some real brain power.

Me: OK, well I think I might have found a homo!!!

Jesus: Finally

Me: Well actually I dont know

Jesus: figures

Me: I need some help on this one. Can I at least have a new updated gaydar? Mine kinda sucks and sometimes faghags have a better one than I do.

Jesus: Are you sure yours isnt working? Or do you just not like what you are picking up on your gaydar?

Me: hmmmm. Im not sure. Maybe both. But back to the guy!

Jesus: oh yeah. Go ahead tell me about your little faggot crush

Me: That ain't right! You know I would never go for a little faggot. But Im not even sure if he is gay!

Jesus: Of course. Damn you do need a better gaydar.

Me: He works at Starbucks

Jesus: Another one!!!! You are fuckin ridiculous! Do you only allow yourself to have a crush on starbucks workers?

Me: I know! I know! But this is far worse. I dont even know if the guy is gay. I have no idea.

Jesus: Clues?

Me: He is really nice, pleasant smile and demeanor, and its like his face lights up when he smiles, even though he isnt smiling that big.

Jesus: WOW that was really homo!!! hahahahh Is that the most homo I have ever heard you without intentionally gaying it up?

Me: Shit was it? Arg I dont care

Jesus: That's you're only clue? OK the way you said it was supergay but how does being nice and having a nice smile make him gay?

Me: OK here is the thing

Jesus: OK this sounds like its going to turn into somthing ridiculous

Me: Straight guys are only nice in a certain way. WHen they smile its not quite the same. I cant quite place it. Its like they only smile with thier mouth

Jesus: as opposed to their hands... cuz gays like to use the jazzhands ya know

Me: Haha SHUTUP! You know what I mean. It's almost like, for the most part, the average straight guy smiles with just his mouth while gay guys, their whole face changes when they smile or something. Ijeoma says gay guys eyes are usually more expressive when smiling. I agree and think even the rest of the face muscles might also be used more. His whole demeanor slightly changes when he smiles. which is not typical straightboy. There are a few exceptions though.

Jesus: Exceptions? fill me in

Me: OK I think he can call under a few different catgories or a mix of them: Gay, Homey Midwestern Transplant, Christian (the love everyone kind, not the ultraconservative judgemental kind), or Starbucks.

Jesus What the...

Me: Im serious. There is a certain kind of nice attitude or demeanor or niceness that only people in these categories with maybe a few random exceptions here or there. And those really nice guy exceptions, alot of people think they are gay!

Jesus: Hmmm OK you kinda have a point. Does this mean straight guys are mean?

Me: No just a different kinda nice. Usually people who have some Jesus (or other spirituality), or are open and free, or are socialable and inviting have this kinda niceness and smile. Hence: Gay, JesusJunkie, GodSquad, Homeymidwest transplant, or Starbucks worker.

Jesus: But you got nothing else.

Me: I got nothing. So now .. I dont know

Jesus: Screw it, just ask the homofucker out!

Me: What?!?!?

Jesus: You really dont have much opportunity. You only see the cocksucker in the drivethru. What kinda longwinded lame scheme are you gonna be able to come up with to find out if he'd like his latte with a side of penis or pussy. Stop holding your dick in your had and waiting for someone to grab it! Just go!

Me: wooooo

Jesus: Grab that venti vanilla frap with an extra shot and cream